yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
