Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
