I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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