at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
