you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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