do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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