i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you mean i was at the winter classic?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you had me at cake vodka
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
