we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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