He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
