Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You took a bar mat shot.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
