I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
