i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he fucked my hip out of place.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
