I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
