it wasn't lemon gatorade
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
