I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
