Betty ford says i'm here all night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
