dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
