I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
