Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
