I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
