My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
