whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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