Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
last night I used snow as a chaser
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