Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
