my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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