I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Congratulations! We have a period
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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