He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
