This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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