Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
