he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
