it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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