Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
