remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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