So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
