never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
