you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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