Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
third nipple confirmed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
