I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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