i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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