then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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