for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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