That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
