my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
