that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
