And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Me too!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
