i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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