you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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