Will you blow on my dice?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
