she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
