I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
