I love black thongs
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
