that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
