He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
