I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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