I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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