Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
